warning!

a lot of what i type in here will either be completely normal or a vent post. be careful when reading, ty

overthinking

was talking with shadom yesterday and the topic of overthinking came up. i really fucking hate it. for some reason ive been conditioned to believe not getting a response from someone in time means that our friendship is over, or theyre ignoring me, or that im simply just not worth talking to. im so sick of feeling that way all the time, for once i just want to accept that some people get busy or are doing other things. cause in the end were both not the only 2 people who exist. but, sometimes it gives me real bad anxiety. i didnt realize this until recently, but just 1 minute without a response from anyone is enough to drive me crazy. i dont like feeling obsessed but i guess i just am. nobody likes it when someone is obsessed over them, except i value friendship over anything else so i cant help myself. not only do i overthink social interaction but i overthink my own thoughts and blow everything out of proportion. im starting to think that maybe im the problem. this has to be the reason why nobody can stay friends with me for longer than a month, it has to be. theres no other explanation why...

in a couple hours i will be 19 years old. and i think its safe to say that i am scared. i dont know why im so scared. i feel like i missed out on so many things this past year. i was so focused on being "an adult" that i simply just let all that pass by me. i didnt go on that cruise my family did because i was scared to be away from home. i didnt go trick or treating last halloween because i was too busy at work. christmas was a nightmare because i was losing myself. i slept through new years for the same reason. i wasted 4 months of the year crying and crying about how i thought i was worthless to someone who didnt even care in the first place. i barely hung out with my friends and they never wanted to anyway. everything, i missed out on everything. 18 years old, i thought that was the age where everything opens up to you and the world is full of endless possibilities and relationships and awesome moments with all your friends and doing all these cool things that you can look back on later in life and... i did none of that. i wasted it. i wasted it all. i wasted what they call "the best moments of your life" and i wasted my days in school and i wasted the moments where i couldve been better and i wasted my childhood and i wasted every single thing in my life. i wasted it all. i just want to go back in time and give it a second try. a second try at experiencing what everyone else did. but thats just not possible. it wont and never will be. so what now? just move on with my life? continue to want to give up on everything? continue to be scared of being alone without making the effort to even be worth anyones time? continue to never be open about myself to my family? to fail to have a purpose? what do i even do anymore... theres nothing i can do right now. theres absolutely nothing i can do but sit here and whine about it. because i dont like to change. i dont like to be what i turned out to be, except im just sitting here letting it happen and just ruin my life. i fucking hate myself. i hate everything about myself. how many times do i even have to say it? why just why cant i enjoy anything and stop worrying about all of what i wasted???

so, here i am, hopeless. but i keep holding onto one thing, the fact that i love the people i talk to. whether theyre my old friends, my new friends, my family. i love you guys. honestly the only reason why im so scared to be alone is because i dont know who i would be without these people. especially the friends ive met recently. you both bring light to my life. it sounds corny and random because we only met not that long ago, but i say that wholeheartedly. thank you so much for being here. im glad i met you.

im tired of feeling shit. i get all shaky and tingly when certain people talk to me, its really annoying. like why do i get so excited to talk to them? maybe im so desperate to have someone to talk to that what were doing means everything to me. and i havent felt this for a long time since i spoke to a certain someone until just recently. i hope its nothing..

my mood was lifted tonight, i wish i could stay up foreverrr. maybe i was wrong, good people do exist.

tw again

if nothing good happens by the end of this year i might just run away and hope i die. maybe kill myself if thats easier idk. everyones gonna say "no dont do that dont say that its not worth it you need to talk to someone!" yeah. maybe i do. at this point i dont care. im hoping for a miracle. something, someone, anything really. maybe im too hopeful to be wishing for something with 1/8000000000 odds of happening. i wont find my person, im not ready yet, so why hope for that? theres nothing left to enjoy or have purpose for. and i cant think of anything that would be any better than either of those.

someone came to me to talk to me about how they feel about the future the other day. i gave them advice i wish i would hear from someone else. i know full well whatever i said means nothing to me, but maybe it meant something to them? they seemed to be grateful, but i cant tell. text doesnt convey emotion as much as people intend it to. so for all i know, what they said in response couldve been anything but true. but, im not sure, i only met this person not that long ago and theyre already comfortable to talk to me about a heavy topic. that has to mean something, right? if its you i spoke to reading this, im glad i could help. im sorry it might not have been the response you were looking for. i couldve done better. that one thing you said to me, i feel like maybe you really meant it, but the last time anyone ever said that to me, they were lying to me. im scared maybe you were lying too.

i cried for the first time in a while tonight. i really hope my parents didnt hear me.

tw

i got a haircut. i fucking hate it. i hate how i look like. i shouldve just grew my hair out even more even though i couldnt maintain it. i would rather have messy hair than look like this. im fucking disgusted with myself. this doesnt even suit me. if i wasnt ugly before i am now. ugh. shouldve just never scheduled one. im embarrassed to even look like this. lowkey wanna kill myself over this, who the fuck cares if its just hair. i dont want to be seen anymore.

optional and replaceable

there are so many times where i have felt like an option to somebody. optional as a friend, optional as a lover, and optional as a worker. im just an option to people. if i was any important then i wouldnt have to be the one to text first all the time right? my friends would include me in things, theyd look out for me. but im just a "should i invite this guy? nah lets invite this other guy instead" type of guy to people, hell they dont even think of me. and besides, even if i was not an option, im just as replaceable. others have replaced me before. they bullied me and treated me like shit for even feeling replacable. everyone does it to me, idk what i could have done to be any less replacable. idk

i was just sitting at work yk doing my work as usual, then i realized something. i go to work, and i work good. i leave the shelves (not all of them cause i literally work by myself) basically perfect and as neat as can be. but nobody has ever complemented me for the work i did. sometimes all i want is a "good job". my whole life ive never ever heard "im proud of you" straight to my face. i keep listening to this one song over and over where they say the line "im proud of you" just because it makes me feel good. but after all, it just makes me want to cry. i want to hear it from someone who cares for me. except, who out there cares for me? thats what i thought...

for a bit earlier i thought about what would happen if i died. to make a long story short, i came to the conclusion that nobody would even know. and if they did they wouldnt care if it was on purpose.

happy fathers day + some updates

happy fathers day guys. hug your dad for me lol.

i met some new people, theyre fun to talk to, they kinda just talk in a certain way that kinda hurts lol but its fine. i like to talk to them and play games but, idk i feel like theyre gonna go and ditch me. whether or not they do, im glad to have met them. theyre lighting up my life right now.

week before my birthday

it is 1 week until my 19th birthday. i dont know how i made it this far. this is probably the first time i am not excited for my birthday. i dont want to get older, i just want to be little again. where im innocent and im not judged for who i am. where i didnt have social anxiety like i do now. time doesnt work that way unfortunately, im stuck how i am. man, why cant i just appreciate this? appreciating everything is too hard but its the only way not to be sad all the time.

i cant help but notice how tired i am recently. i slept a whole 5 hours as a nap. a nap like that is barely even a nap, thats just me sleeping in the day for no reason.

my sister is taking me to see the backrooms movie again, im super happy to see what she thinks about it. but idk, im dreading leaving the house for that.

i left this big discord server for a friend group i shouldnt even be a part of. these people could care less about me, i dont feel like i belong there for that reason. joining the voice chat in there is just like watching people from a distance. i could say something and i either get ignored or someone repeats what i said. i might cut everyone off completely. you know, i dont feel like i belong anywhere. every group ive been a part of ended in everyone ditching me for the rest. sometimes its even friend groups i start that leave me behind. adds one more reason to be gone off this earth.

by the way, im really thankful for people who give me kind words and giving me advice. some things are hard for me to believe but your words are worth hearing. just, dont rly expect me to be very responsive because i just, dont want to be anyones responsibility in the case i do something and cause more hurt for everyone else. and for the record if i seem to be angry in here as a response to what ive been told its not your fault im just speaking my mind, its not meant to be taken personally i swear. um, im doing better a little, in case you were wondering. not like anyone cares about how im doing but yeah. i love yall.

i also have been listening to a lot of music recently. if anyone wanted to know what exactly ive been listening to, heres a good song i relate to a lot. its How It Ends by Oliver Tree, please please pleaaase give it a listen. this was his last song from his last album. technically speaking, his last song ever. i guess its fitting the way his final song is about how it ends. strange, really. a lot of his music faces the topic of death, something i personally have a weird connection to, both good and bad. like i said in earlier posts, i really found a liking towards his newer music recently after his passing, and his latest album Love You Madly Hate You Badly has kinda been changing my life for the better, it makes me want to die less. i still wish i didnt discover these songs too late. but yeah, im loving this music all at the same time while coping that hes gone. sometimes listening to music in tribute of an artist can change your life.

no offense but people keep telling me to find new friends. how the fuck am i supposed to do that??? my whole damn life i lied to myself and my parents about my friendships. "my friend gio" more like "i talked to this guy named gio once" cause thats the real truth about the interaction i told my parents about. the entirety of my life i just called people friends because i saw them regularly at school. now im not at school, refusing to go to college while i work a somewhat social job that turns out to be a lonely one because nobody is gonna talk to me, just stare. the only interaction i get out of my job is to talk to customers for a solid 15 seconds or less, and a majority of them dont even say thank you??? ok you could say "what about anywhere else but work?" yeah right, you expect me to leave my house?? FUCK that. i get scared to be seen through a fucking screen door, you think i can willingly go outside and participate in a social activity, let alone be in my own front yard looking like a man child playing with toys and voice acting shit in front of a camera? it makes me look like a fucking weirdo creep to be doing something a kid would do at the age of 18 almost 19. like i said before im embarrassed to be who i am, so can i really make friends if i dont even like myself?? i dont know thats a question i cant answer.

caught my lonely ass smiling this morning while watching youtube shorts of this couple playing games together. idk their channel name but they pop up regularly and i just watch it. for some reason i get so happy watching them be happy and fooling around. maybe im jealous?? i probably am, i just cant decipher what i truly feel anymore. it could just be cope for all i care.

i just remembered, i had a really interesting dream last night. it was me and some friends hanging out for once. i seemed really happy in this dream. dreams are weird, ive had dreams about many things, but its always the ones where i am actually happy that i want to come back to over and over and over and over and over and over again. do dreams come true? i sure hope so.

tw: self harm again

literally what am i expecting? ofc nobody gives a shit about me, im just not interesting enough for anyone am i? no im not im nothing to everybody and im only living off of the hope that idk maybe ill find a reason to continue to endure the future ahead of me but whats even the purpose of doing that when right now theres nothing to live forr. im better off dead and gone for all i care but im too fucking scared to FUCKING DO IT MYSELF. gonna cut myself up like a damn steak before anything comes out of my worthless pitiful excuse of a blessing called life please please please just let me find SOMETHING just ANYTHING to make me feel like i mean something i dont want to be stuck like this forever please\

idk if people even read my shit but i just want to be seen. call me selfish and narcissistic, i dont care. all i need is a friend, one who has my back and just cheers me up when im at my lowest. is that too much to ask for?

tw: self harm

i get mad, a lot. when i get mad i act uncontrollably, and i get yelled at for it. thats not my fault, i cant stop myself from doing that all on my own. so when i get mad, which happens quite often, i either punch myself in the head as hard as i can or i take my work knife and let myself bleed. thats the only way i know how to get myself to quit being angry, the only way to avoid having to be screamed at by my mom and dad. i hate that part about me, my anger issues and my tendency to relieve emotions with physical pain, but thats the best way to do it. i cant cry, i cant hold it in, thats the only way to do it. i dont think i can actually tell you the last time i havent hurt myself to get myself to calm down.

im embarrassed to be who i am. nobody loves me the way i am so i have to change, right? no matter how much changing i do for people, its never enough. i try to change for myself yet i go back to what worked for me. just let the anger go and let pain deal with it for me. now here i am thinking into the future, will anyone ever love me for who i am? if anyone ever saw me get mad and cut my skin and then be calm all of a sudden, would they still love me? or would they look at me the wrong way and think im a danger to them? i just really think this is and will be the only reason why i will die alone, with nobody by my side at my last dying breath. all because i cant even control myself.

man i just want to be normal. i dont want to be any more or any less, just normal. for there nothing wrong with me, for people to not see my flaws and for them to love me. i want a family that cares, a partner who accepts me and doesnt use me and my emotions to get something out of me, and i just want to love myself. i want to love myself just for once, maybe twice. but i let my anger take control of me, so i am stuck hating every part of my being.

i think that relationship i was in broke me again. you know i keep bringing that up but, im only noticing the effects now. because of that experience i havent cried for 2 months, ive been too scared to open up to people out of fear that people will be scared of me, i lost all interest in my own hobbies, ive felt more alone than i ever have before, and i relapsed. i dont think ive ever hurt myself this much in a long, long time. but nearly 6 months of torture was enough to give my brain the ay-okay to lose my self worth. and is it dumb to say i still miss her when she likely doesnt? im sorry i just cant let this go. i havent moved on and im just lying to get out of these stupid conversations about it. in all honesty, it all wouldve been so much better if i was just normal.

man i fucking hate evceryhtiunbggg

everything sucks and nothing is enjoyable anymore

deaths of celebrities

im not one to like many celebrities such as youtubers, rappers, musicians, artists, all kinds of people. but for some reason, when i hear about a celebrity passing away young or old from drug abuse, freak accidents or simply just passing from health complications, suddenly i find my respect for them and what they do. for example, technoblade. he passed away from cancer, and i wasnt really a fan of him or what he usually was a part of. the minecraft side of youtube just wasnt my thing. well, when he passed, i couldnt help but like his content. i know it sounds mean liking someone only after they die, but the way things feel heavier knowing theyre gone makes me feel like i missed out. i can see the vision they had and they cant do any more to make their dream come true, and i wish i couldve been there experiencing what they had to offer as it happened. yesterday i heard oliver tree passed away, i did like his music. i liked the more well known songs from him, but i never was invested with all of what he made. hearing about him passing in an accident that couldve been prevented so easily, it just hits me differently now. in tribute i started to listen to his music for real this time, not just on a tiktok or on the radio, and holy shit dude. this is music i like. i was a listener of his more popular songs, but when it comes to these lesser known songs, i wish i had heard them sooner. here i am now, with a lot of his songs in my liked playlist, but there will never be any more songs from him to add to it. thats what sucks the most. i respect him so much now, and i love his music now, but there will never be more. i just wish i couldve discovered oliver tree and what he made sooner than this. i keep saying that but this is exactly what i feel all the time when someone popular passes. like juicewrld, ozzy osbourne, mac miller, like all of these people who pass away i discover my respect for their music way too late to feel like i was a real fan. this goes for youtubers and movie stars and basically anyone who has any sort of popularity, once they pass i discover what made them great. and that sucks.

death is inevitable in life, its part of the process, but when these celebrities pass away, something is different. they made a name for themselves. its scary to me that no matter how successful one may be, their legacy gets left behind quite suddenly or unexpectedly. i hate that. i hate that a lot, actually. and its always with the people who make things i enjoy that i discover too late. idk

just an update

yesterday was my moms birthday. we hung out before i went to work, it was nice! i met some new friends the other day ands theyre actually fun to talk to. its been a while since i met someone new and they actually make the effort to talk to me without me subtly begging for it. i bought a new plushie, the 2012 sanei shadow plush, and its being delayed but the seller is super awesome so theyre adding a tomy super sonic to the shipment!??! idk how to explain how excited i am.

um im beginning to miss certain people who dont particularly talk to me. its strange, really, cause these people didnt seem to ever care for me. one person in particular i can think of doesnt miss me for sure though, i can guess i havent crossed their mind at all since then. idk what i miss more, these people? or do i miss when i was happier?

shoutout lolyunnn

im super hyped rn guys

hallo! june is quite stacked at the moment for me, especially near the end of the month. not only is it my birthday on the 27th (happy early birthday to me i guess :p) but deltarune chapter 5 comes out not even 3 days before then, ALSO an update to a game me and my friend play together is on the 19th, and even more also is the fact that on the 23rd is sonics birthday, which possibly means some brand new sonic news coming soon. still hoping for sonic in fortnite guys, im not delusional i swear. im just so freakin hyped for whats to come this month. another thing i wanted to mention was, i am buying a 2012 sanei shadow plushie!!! thisll be my 3rd shadow plushie in my collection now, but its crazy expensive and therefore that means im gonna be dirt poor for the next couple months. BUT, i will be saving from here on out.

unfortunately, i dont feel very great about myself right now. hopefully these feelings pass, but im not very sure about that. im not trying to get attention, thats not my intention, but im noticing very slowly that people dont tend to like being around me or talking to me or is trying to hurt me with words or start arguments with me, its really just making me feel down about myself. but, like i said, hopefully these feelings pass. i can deal with it by myself, i dont really need people i guess. just wanted to throw that out there to get it off my chest. anyway i hope everyone is doing good for themselves, and that everyone will continue to have a good summer. bye guys, love yall, see you later.

my final moments in rec room

rec room is dying today, its one of my games that got me through the pandemic and various other stages of my life. i cant explain how much im not really hurt by it going away, people do care about this game at a certain level that i dont. but it is unfortunate that it is going. i decided to hop on one last time to look back at a game i used to play since i was freakin 12 years old lol.



first thing i did was go into a rec center. this is where this photo was taken (im the one in the back with the white hair and fluffy coat thing idk) next to me, to the right, is cj. i met him today and hes such a cool dude. hes chill, i actually ended up friending him on discord just so we can talk after the game goes down. we chatted for a whole 2-3 hours, which is crazy, but it was fun! the other guy with the skull mask was there too, he was kind of treating me badly and was using his physical condition as an excuse to talk down to me. i guess not all people are good people, but damn. besides that, we talked a whole lot and eventually they left. then all that was left was to look at my pictures on my profile. so so soo many memories. theres pictures of me and a family friend named jace who used to play vr with me all the time. theres also pictures of me and my friend who literally named himself after me, which was awesome and i miss the dude. there were pictures of me playing that one titanic simulation game, which was my favorite game to play. its just, so much of that is gone. thats what ill miss, is the fact i had so many people i dont talk to still sitting around in my rr messages lol. but hey, good things tend to come to an end.

initially i found rec room through jacksepticeye playing it when it was in its super early stage of development. it looked so different then, but i got on during the pandemic and thats mostly where i hung out for months. now here we are, 6 years later. like i said, i never cared about the game enough to be upset that its going, but it had a good run and its just crazy that it has to be taken down. heres one more photo to finish this blog. its me and a friend, cooperpaw. he stopped talking to me after this photo, but i remember all the good times with him, and i just think this photo brings me back to a time where i felt more at peace with myself than i do now. welp, i guess thats the end of it. bye bye rec room. c:

i genuinely hate people

people are so annoying nowadays. im playing roblox right now, im not even the biggest fan of roblox, but i like playing asym games on there. and man, people are so fucking toxic in these games. you say one thing wrong and its the end of the world. theyre so unusually sensitive when it comes to being spoken to. to be completely honest, i get mad at games sometimes, but i do not take that anger out on other people im playing with unless theyre intentionally angering me. a bad habit, yes, but i dont get upset when the normalest of normal sentences enters my ear holes. thats all.

its happening again

i think i might be falling into depression again. idk whats going on, but all of sudden i feel so sad? im feeling regretful of my actions towards people and regretful of my first relationship and... it hurts me. i hope i dont start hurting myself this time. anything but that, please. since this is on topic, check on your friends. let them know they mean something to you. <3

earlier today i read someones vent in a server i was in and it reminded me so much of myself. theyre feeling the same way i was a couple months ago. thats kinda scary, if someone is feeling the same way i want to help them, so i went and gave them some advice, you know, something that helped me in the past. i feel kinda good about that, usually when i help people its about something im not experienced with. it feels good to share an experience and try and help them from there. it sucks someone else is feeling the same way though, but i hope my help can mean something to someone for once.

it rained :C

it rained outside. no video :C at least this gives me some time to go and make some new additions to the site.

currently working on a new video

well, it looks like progress is going to get made soon. my last post i mentioned it kinda feels weird to try and make videos again, just read that if you havent if you wanna know a bit of stuff. however, i think i finally started to get into the process of making a new video! the burnout is slowly going away, which is nice. its going to be quite a personal story, except with sonic characters. to give a little bit of details, without spoilers of course, tails in this video is going to be representative of me! since this is a retelling of something personal about feeling invisible, tails feels like the right character to represent me. its not exactly accurate to what truly happens, but its hopefully going to give a good message with the ending. im super excited for people to see it, i just got to wait until monday to get started. until then, hopefully i can make something great!

vent post

hey i just want to vent a bit. theres so much i want to do, so much i want to make for people, but i feel like i lost that creative spark. for some reason making videos, or anything really, makes me feel sick. just the thought of it gives a bad taste in my mouth, and i dont really know why. im so damn tired and burntout over things i havent even started. i dont think that makes any sense, does it? the need to feel happy is so strong but nothing really brings me that happiness unless i work for it, and im lazy. a real bad combination. idk what to do from here, genuinely, i seem to be stuck. the things i have made, people dont see them, and that hurts me, a lot actually. so much effort is wasted because nobody actually sees what i make. this site especially, its kinda hidden away in the depths of neocities, same thing with my videos, theyre lost in the algorithm. im doing a dead form of art on youtube actually. plush videos arent really as popular as they used to be, i feel like i missed the point in time where that would be acceptable. even when people would prefer to watch it, its not as good as they wished so they dont watch. idk i just think a lot of what i do is pointless, and my creativity goes unseen. i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy, but maybe my worst enemy might just be myself, cuz in a sense i wished for this. i wished to be nothing important.

lots of work done today

it took me a couuple days but, i managed to complete (at least finish the first part of) my collection page! if you havent checked it out already, please do check it out now! its the page i am the most proud of to have made. its a remake of the sonic 3 & knuckles file select screen!! not really perfectly accurate but close enough for me. this is also my first page i ever tried making keyboard controls for, it works pretty well. definitely a big project for me as a majority of the past couple of days have been dedicated to perfecting the look of this page alone. even after this i still have some work to do to complete the collection page, like i have to make a way for people to actually view plushes 1 by 1 with their own individual descriptions, its a big project. but, what i have right now i am super duper proud of! genuinely, i think this is the most accurate recreation of something that i have made in the history of anything. the videos page is no longer the throne of the coolest recreation. lolol.



anyway, i think thats it for me as of right now. i really need to get back to playing some games. yeah i actually started playing sonic origins again and i got to sonic 3 in marathon mode. after getting there it inspired me to make this page. anyway i struggled real hard on sonic cd and sonic 2 while playing that i started raging. sonic cds final boss is just so underwhelming but annoying to even get to. same with sonic 2 and the death egg robot. to even get to the death egg robot, you need to kill mecha sonic every single time. and you have no rings!?!? so that just makes the stage harder than it needs to be. i beat it tho, hopefully i can get sonic 3 & knuckles fully complete. definitely the best 2d sonic game is sonic 3 so i dont think ill have a hard time enjoying it. alrighty, i am done now. c:

happy mothers day!

happy mothers day everybody! this is a short post but i wanted to share that i drew my mom an awesome card of our dog Oliver. i barely draw animals so i think it looks great. i dont have a picture but if i can get one ill attach it here. c:

NEW PLUSHIE YAYYY

shes a bit late, but my 2012 sanei amy plushie is here!! im so happy! :D here she is with the rest of my amy collection (2007 amy on the left, 2012 amy in the middle and 2024 amy on the right). hopefully i can get around to making that collection page so i can go into more depth about what i got in my collection. i will actually get started on that as soon as i can. yippee!!!

ebay is stinky

a couple days ago i was browsing ebay, the lovely website for people to sell and buy used or new items. you know, the site that gamestop is trying to buy out with stock shares? lmao. well, ebay is my go to place to get plushies for my plush collection, most importantly ive been collecting the 2007 sanei sonic plush set and the 2012 sanei sonic plush set. i own all of the 2007 sanei sonic plushies, which is awesome, but it put me like 1,089 dollars into debt. get this, the 2012 sanei sonic set is like, a million times more expensive. each set has an equal amount of plushies in it, 5 plushies each. 1 for each character (except in the 2007 set there is no shadow, theres a fucking bigger sonic. why? idk). well, i was looking to get some of the 2012 sanei sonic plushies for my set, and i set my eyes on 2012 sanei amy. theres actually 2 versions of sonic, shadow and amy in the 2012 set. we have the original 2012 sanei release, and the 2016 rerelease of the plushies but produced by some other company. i dont know the name so i cant really provide a lot of info as to who made the 2016 rerelease plushies, but whoever did it had some pretty big differences between plushies. amy is a big example here. the 2012 amy has a more defined face, the details are easier to see and her pupils are thinner. the 2016 amy has this weird dip in her muzzle that makes it hard to see her mouth, the pupils are also wider and the material used to make her is more fluffy.

ok, so i personally wanted the original 2012 sanei amy, not the 2016 amy, except there arent very many listings of 2012 sanei amy out there that isnt the 2016 rerelease. but there were 2 listings for it at the time, one going for a whopping 500 dollars, and one going for an even more whopping 1,000 dollars. well, i wanted this plushie so bad, but its crazy expensive. a little over a month ago i spent 450 on my 2007 sanei tails, so i didnt want to spend this money immediately, so i told myself to wait until i get my next paycheck. and so i did, i waited for my next paycheck. wednesday rolls around, i buy the amy with an offer of 450 at like 2 am or something, and then i go righht back to bed. this is where shit becomes a crazy coincidence. i wake up to an email from ebay, a 2012 sanei amy that ISNT the 2016 rerelease goes on sale, i check the price, its 200 DOLLARS. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! so yeah, i spent 300 more dollars than i needed to. all this for amy D: i mean i dont mind because shes one of my favorite characters, but damn. so i just have to deal with this blunder because the seller i bought from doesnt accept refunds and already accepted and shipped the order. so take this as a lesson from me, wait for a BETTER DEAL before settling on buying something crazy expensive and rare. shouldve listened to exhalo but no, i needed to get that amy so bad bro D: (shes arriving today by the way, hopefully. when i get her ill attach a photo to the blog)

no fault towards ebay, by the way. theyre a good site, and its entirely at the fault of me, but the way ebay works is incredibly luck based when it comes to buying rare things. lol. oh i also bought a 2012 sanei knuckles for 435 dollars, im super glad to have got him too. 2/5 plushies aquired in the set, wish me luck people!

blog reset!

well as it turns out, the things i wrote in my blog since i started the page seems a little out of place compared to the rest of my site. i really do not want to ruin the mood and speak out about my negative feelings when the rest of my site is more chill and happy, if that makes sense. i am not going to lie, what i did write, i feel that for real. its not a lie, its not fake. the entire point of this blog was to express myself and how i felt, but its just so far off from the vibe i want to give to the site. so, im deleting those blog posts for the sake of myself, and for the sake of the sites atmosphere. after all, some things are better off unsaid instead of spoken about to unsuspecting readers. as the days go on i will try and cover more things in this blog, be a little more active within the neocities community and actually build up the site ive been putting off for quite a while. i pay for supporter, so the least i could do is make use of that, lol.